


Shell Shock

by altalemur



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyswap, Crossover, Cyborgs, Gen, alternative Acid Tokyo, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altalemur/pseuds/altalemur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Syaoran stole Fai’s magic, Fai is transplanted into a full cyborg body. Things get complicated, and Sakura will have to save Fai herself. Ghost in the Shell and Tsubasa crossover, loosely 10 years prior to Stand Alone Complex anime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shell Shock

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the #TsubasaChonicleMonth on tumblr, day 17.

The one good thing this world had going for it was the medical facilities. After his own relatively minor injuries were treated, Kurogane had nothing better to do than wait for the others. Kurogane at first tried turning down his own treatment, not knowing how they were going to pay for Fai’s treatment and not wanting to add to the bill. As if anticipating the concern, this new “Syaoran” had come back from asking the front desk; this world had affordable emergency medical treatment for everyone. That was the only thing good about this world, so far.

Kurogane had caught himself before calling the new “Syaoran” “kid.” This “Syaoran” had magic, and had appeared just as their Syaoran had lost his heart and stolen Fai’s magic. They had had their talk, but now “Syaoran” was waiting at Sakura’s bedside, while Kurogane and Mokona waited by the surgery doors.

“Does Kuro-daddy want to read his manga?” Mokona asked Kurogane. She was nestled in his arms where they crossed over his chest. Kurogane didn’t stop his pacing.

“No.” The current storyline was a bit too similar to their situation, with the blue ninja Tori in mortal peril after her friend was mind controlled by the story’s villain. Kurogane doubted reading his manga would provide a pleasant distraction. 

Mokona made a discontent noise, so Kurogane knocked a knuckle against her head. 

“The mage is going to be all right. The witch said the doctors here could save him.”

“But… it was Syaoran who did it. Mokona thinks it will take a long time for Fai to get better, on the inside,” Mokona said worriedly. There wasn’t anything Kurogane could say to argue with that. They had all been wounded by Syaoran’s actions.

Kurogane continued pacing in silence.

After it seemed like Kurogane had waited half the damn day, the two kids (one of them wasn’t _his_ kid, just a look-a-like involved in an overly complicated plot) joined him in the surgery waiting room. Kurogane eventually stopped his pacing and leaned against the wall near Sakura’s seat, avoiding the injuries on his back. “Syaoran” got everyone, even Mokona, a cup of coffee. 

They waited together. Eventually two women in white doctor coats. 

“I’m Doctor Hibiya Chitose, and this is Doctor Yatoji Satsuki. If you all would follow us, we can discuss your companion’s status in private,” the doctor with a long black ponytail indicated herself, then the other doctor with short black hair and lighter bangs.

Kurogane nodded and kicked off from the wall. “Syaoran” awkwardly stood by Sakura, trying to offer her help but not trying to be in the way at the same time. The two doctors lead the group to a new room. It had a lot more pastel decorations and had much more comfortable furniture. Kurogane thought it looked like the perfect place to give someone bad news. The ninja remained standing.

“How is he? Can we see him?” Sakura asked first. She clutched Mokona close to her chest.

Dr. Hibiya spoke first. Her voice was gentle and soothing, as if she practiced giving people bad news all the time, “Your friend is out of surgery for his injuries. However, we wouldn’t say he’s out of danger yet. His life signs are… unstable, so we’re monitoring him closely.”

Dr. Yatoji’s tone was much more straight forward. “We’re the cybernetic prostheses consultants for this hospital. He needs new eyes, obviously. But we’re already seeing signs of organ failure. He’ll likely need new kidneys and heart before the end of the day. However, since he doesn’t have basic cyberisation, cyberising his brain is our highest priority, before the organ failure causes brain damage.”

“If you have to do something to save him, then just do it! Why are you telling us this?” Kurogane growled at the doctors.

Dr. Hibiya gave the other doctor a look before taking over the explanation. “We don’t normally cyberise a brain when the body is already under duress. While cyberisation is safe and rarely has side effects, any surgery puts the body under stress. We could wait to see if he recovers, and then cyberise him for prosthetic eyes when he’s stable. Or we could cyberise him now, in case his organs do fail soon. Either choice has risks, so we prefer if next-of-kin make these kinds of decisions. If any of you are his next-of-kin or know how we can contact them…”

Kurogane looked at Mokona, still in Sakura’s arms. Both of them looked like they were tearing up.

“Pork bun, call up the damn witch.”

Mokona nodded and projected the image of the Dimensional Witch in front of all of them. When they called Yuuko in previous worlds, she was usually smiling as if she were the only one aware of a funny practical joke. Now her expression and her voice held no humor. Kurogane didn’t need the confirmation that this was a serious situation.

“I can’t say that it is good to see you all again. How is Fai doing?”

Dr. Hibiya speechlessly stared at the image of Yuuko. However, Dr. Yatoji didn’t seem phased at all, telling Yuuko Fai’s current condition.

“At the construction site, you called us and said to bring Fai here to this hospital. You said they could save him here. But it turns out they still don’t know shit about how to save him. Is this what you meant?”

“There is no magic in this world, so the doctors here have no way to recognize or treat wounds that are magical in nature. Because Fai has had his magic since birth, his body cannot function, nor recover from injury, without magic. That is why you are here. Chitose and Satsuki have a body that would keep Fai alive without his magic.”

Dr. Hibiya put a hand to her mouth, startled. “Our research is confidential. How did you hear about it?”

Dr. Yatoji was much calmer. “You’re the Time Space Witch, aren’t you? I’ve heard rumors when Net Diving of a woman with strange knowledge and powers that can transcend our existence.”

Yuuko nodded minutely. “These four and the one who was injured are dimensional travellers. They would be able to provide a trade for the full cyborg body you two have created.”

“I wouldn’t call their friend an ideal candidate. He’s the wrong size and biological sex. Not to mention we won’t get any data we need to continue our project if they leave for another dimension during the recovery.”

Sakura took a step toward the doctors. “Please, our friend will die if you do nothing. If you have something that can save him… we’ll do anything.”

Dr. Hibiya looked uncertain for a long moment. Then she sighed and looked at Dr. Yatoji. “We created Chi to save lives. Some cyborg dysphoria is better than their friend dying. But what should we ask from them that makes up for years of research?”

Dr. Yatoji didn’t really change her expression much the whole time, but her voice sounded intrigued. “Have you travelled to other dimensions with technology different from ours, or a more advanced world? Do you have anything with you, like parts or schematics?”

Kurogane had a cold feeling in his gut. Of course they had been in Piffle, which had cars and planes much more advanced than this world. But they had left Piffle suddenly and without taking any sort of trinkets with them, let alone an actual dragonfly racer.

“We don’t have any technology with us, but we… I mean, they were in a world with flying machines unlike you have here, and they repaired four of them. We could probably write out the plans for how they work,” “Syaoran” spoke up. He hadn’t worked on the dragonfliers himself, but he had the memories of it from his clone.

Dr. Yatoji’s eyes lit up. “If you repaired flying machines with your own hands, we’d rather have a direct copy of the memory. Would any of you be willing to get a minimum cyberisation?”

Dr. Hibiya held up a calming hand before any of them could answer. “It’s a simple procedure. Two out of three people get the minimum cyberisation, to directly access the net and other modern conveniences. Downloading a memory from another cyberbrain doesn’t harm either person, and it is the best way for us to get the information we’d want in exchange.” She then turned her head and parted her hair, showing a skin-tone plastic plate at the base of her neck. They had seen similar things on a lot of the people in this world. “Since we’re cyberising your friend’s brain, we could copy that memory after surgery.”

“No, I want to do it,” Sakura spoke forcefully.

“Sakura-hime,” “Syaoran” began hesitantly, “You don’t need to sell your memories. We all know how the dragonfly racers were built.”

“If Sakura-hime did it, it would be an even exchange,” Yuuko interjected. “For Sakura, who has so few of her own memories, each memory she creates is extremely precious, worth much more to her than to anyone else. Likewise, for Dr. Hibiya the cyborg body has great sentimental value.”

Dr. Hibiya looked at Sakura. “It’s true… but I also knew I would have to say goodbye to Chi eventually. I can tell that you really want to save your friend.” The two doctors exchanged another look. “I think these people would take care of her. I agree to it if you do.”

Dr. Yatoji nodded. “I’ll inform the surgical team to prep Fai for cyberisation and a full-body transplant. I’ll perform the procedure myself. Sakura-san, you can check yourself in for a minimum cyberisation. The hospital stay is usually only a week.”

Dr. Hibiya was typing on a terminal screen in her hands, not too dissimilar from the PifflePads they used in Piffle. She held out the screen toward their group. “We can’t wake Fai-san to try to get his consent. I realize you are from… another dimension? But one of you will have to sign and claim next-of-kin status, to give consent for the transplant.”

Sakura started reaching for the pad, but Kurogane beat her to it. He didn’t want her feeling responsible if something bad did happen. “I’ll do it. Where the fuck do I sign?”

**

When Sakura opened her eyes, there were transparent glowing circles floating in her field of vision. She was feeling a little groggy, and also as if there was a dull pain behind a curtain of medicine. But Sakura was used to being groggy often, and made herself wake up as best she could.

“Don’t try to get up yet. You’re just out of surgery.”

Sakura turned her head and saw Dr. Hibiya sitting at her bedside. She smiled at the doctor, who’d been very kind to them so far. The doctor tapped a button beside Sakura’s bed, and it tilted up to give her a better look of the room. Sakura saw some medical devices near her head, a tube connected to her arm, a small device clipped to her finger, and a thin cable running to the back of her neck.

“Oh, how long has it been? How’s Fai? Has he woken up yet?”

Dr. Hibiya smiled reassuringly at Sakura, but she could tell it was just to comfort her. “Fai’s cyberisation and transplant went well. Your friend hasn’t woken up yet, but we expect his recovery will take longer than yours. Your other friends visited both of you earlier today.” 

The doctor’s gaze shifted to the bedside table. Sakura saw a vase full of pink and white flowers. She wondered if Mokona had picked them out. Kurogane wasn’t the type to show affection with flowers. And Syaoran… her Syaoran was gone. Sakura bit her lip, trying not to start crying. She had to be strong right now. Fai and the others were relying on her. They still needed Sakura to help pay for Fai’s body.

Sakura looked back at Dr. Hibiya. “Did you come to get my memory of the Piffle technology?”

Dr. Hibiya shook her head. “We can wait for that until you’re used to a cyberised brain. I came because I thought you could use help orienting to the implant. There should be a start-up program in your field of vision. If you want, I can guide you through the process,” Dr. Hibiya connected a cable to the base of her own neck, then held it close to Sakura. She didn’t yet plug in to the girl, waiting for Sakura’s permission.

“Oh, thank you. Yes, I would appreciate it.”

Dr. Hibiya reached under Sakura’s neck and plugged in. Sakura waited to feel some sort of pressence or possibly even an invasive force on her mind, but was surprised when nothing changed. 

“Um, do I need to do anything?” Sakura looked at Dr. Hibiya uncertainly, but the doctor seemed to be staring off into the middle distance.

Dr. Hibiya’s voice spoke inside Sakura’s mind, without her lips moving. “No, I’m connected now. I can see what you see, but I won’t be controlling your mind. Let’s see…”

For the next couple of hours, Sakura learned how to use her implant. There was a vast wealth of knowledge on this world’s internet, which they had utilized on terminal screens when they’d arrived here. Now she could directly read it with her own eyes. She could also communicate directly with anyone else who had the same cyberised implant, without a language barrier. After that, Dr. Hibiya went through a series of physical tests to make sure Sakura could still control her body. 

When Dr. Hibiya disconnected from Sakura, she switched to spoken language, “You’ve integrated well with the cyberisation. We’ll want to monitor you for a few more days, but you can go to a regular hospital room tomorrow. I expect you’ll be on your feet soon.”

Sakura was already feeling sleepy, but pushed against the tiredness trying to close her eyes. “Thank you. Can I see Fai? Even if he’s not awake…”

“Of course.”

The doctor stood up and tugged on the curtain behind her. The room Sakura was in apparently was larger than she first thought, containing two beds. In the adjacent bed was a girl just older than Sakura with long blond hair. She was connected from her neck to a similar machine as Sakura.

“We already had this cyborg body made. We didn’t have the time or resources to create a body closer to Fai’s original image. I think in a few years, if our research is successful, we’ll have more customizable cyborg bodies.” 

Sakura gasped. She reached out a hand, but the distance was too great between their beds.

“That’s Fai? But… he looks like a real girl.”

Dr. Hibiya smiled at Sakura. “Yes! That’s part of what makes this cyborg body so advanced. Service gynoids or androids aren’t easily mistaken for people. Even most prosthetic limbs on the market have visible seams. This body doesn’t have any seams, moves quite naturally, and has realistic feeling skin and hair. Fai will still have the same senses. We originally wanted full cyborg bodies to help those who have had severe accidents…”

The older woman paused. She touched Fai’s hair gently. Sakura thought she looked sad. “I’m glad I could save a life with this body. Please take care of your friend.”

Sakura nodded. She had a feeling about what made this so special for Dr. Hibiya. “I will… thank you.” Sakura paused, worrying at her lower lip. “Can you… can you move our beds closer?”

The doctor smiled gently at Sakura, nodding. “I think that’s fine. You know, some people believe that you recover sooner from surgery when given tactile stimulus. Your friend might appreciate if you held his hand.”

In a few minutes, a broad-shouldered male nurse came in and helped move the two beds closer together. They weren’t flush, but Sakura could reach out and clasp Fai’s hand. She finally let her tiredness take over, and fell into a dream.

**

“Mokona, look what I learned to do…” Sakura looked toward the terminal screen in her hands. Without Sakura touching any buttons, a video file opened on the screen. It was a simple animation of a dancing cat. Then a cartoon version of Mokona joined the cat. What Kurogane considered overly cutesy and annoying music accompanied the animation.

“Wah! Did Sakura make that? It’s so good!” Mokona excitedly danced along with the animated Mokona on the screen.

Sakura nodded. “I learned how to make videos. And I can send files to terminals now. One of the nurses showed me how. There’s even this one website with all these cute videos of cats…” 

What followed was a good half hour of Sakura showing Mokona one overly cute cat video after the other, and then explaining how people made the videos.

Kurogane had to give Sakura a lot of credit. It was obvious the girl missed Syaoran, with the way she avoided looking directly at the new “Syaoran.” And yet she was still making visible effort to smile and reassure everyone else in the group. Thinking back to Hanshin, Kurogane wondered if she had cried since Syaoran had turned his back on her.

The new kid came with Kurogane and Mokona to visit the hospital, but stayed close to the door. It was pretty obvious he felt guilty and responsible, but also knew his pressence upset Sakura. Kurogane himself felt powerless against the emotional turmoil in their group. And yet, the worst had yet to come.

Even after this long, it was still startling to sense Fai’s life force inside what looked like a short teenage girl. It was even more disturbing, since the body was as still as a corpse. Apparently cyborg bodies didn’t need to breathe, or make any of the small movements bodies made in sleep. It was a week now, and Fai hadn’t woken up yet. It was starting to worry Kurogane.

Sakura had woken up right on schedule after her cyberisation surgery. The hospital staff had tried moving the princess to a different part of the hospital, since she didn’t need constant monitoring. Somehow she’d either sweet-talked or guilted her way into staying in the same room as Fai, who did still need the extra care.

Kurogane was about ready to threaten the doctors. They’d already made a copy of Sakura’s Piffle memories, but Fai didn’t seem any closer to making a recovery. The ninja could be patient when he had to be, but not when he could be working on a solution.

While the ninja was brooding, the two doctors walked in. Kurogane glared at the both of them.

“You two, what the fuck have you been doing? The mage is still out cold.”

Dr. Hibiya assumed a look of sympathy that Kurogane was tired of seeing on the hospital staff. Her voice was just as gentle as usual. “Healing takes time, and everyone is a unique case…”

“If you’ve given the mage a faulty body, then you need to just admit it and give him a different one,” Kurogane growled at the two women. The rest of the room had gone silent and apprehensive. Kurogane kept his demanding glare on the doctors.

Dr. Hibiya seemed startled, but Dr. Yatoji barely reacted at all.

“There’s nothing wrong with the prototype body Chi. Dr. Hibiya remote-plugged into the body just before we transferred your friend’s cyberbrain. It is fully operational. The reason **I’m** here today is to check on Fai’s brain,” Dr. Yatoji said.

“Do you… do you think something is wrong with Fai’s mind? Will you have to do more surgery?” Sakura asked tentatively.

Dr. Hibiya smiled gently at Sakura. “We’ll know soon enough. His vital signs are fine, but the cyberbrain is very complicated. We’re going to plug into Fai’s cyberbrain for diagnosis. It’s a little invasive, but if he hasn’t woken up by himself by now, he needs help.”

Kurogane turned his glare to the wall. The explanation was a bunch of nonsense to him. “If you’re saying you can help him, then just do it already.”

Dr. Yatoji nodded, then sat at the chair at the head of Fai’s bed. She put a bulky device around her neck, then connected a cable from her neck to Fai’s. Kurogane was almost starting to get used to the blank look of someone who had turned their focus inward to this invisible cyber world. He preferred magic users who closed their eyes, furrowed their brows, and delicately held out their hands. That, at least, was familiar, if still mysterious to him.

The ninja was startled out of his brooding when Dr. Yatoji sucked in her breath in surprise. Kurogane and “Syaoran” were instantly on alert, despite a complete lack of any physical enemies in the room.

“What’s wrong?” Syaoran asked. Like Kurogane, the boy looked ready to leap across the room and do something.

“He has a class A maze barrier! He shouldn’t have ANY custom barriers.”

“Satsuki…” Dr. Hibiya came close to them. Her hand hovered over the wire connecting Dr. Yatoji and Fai.

“Don’t worry. No one can put up a barrier I can’t take down, let alone someone who was cyberised last week.” Dr. Yatoji’s face remained just as blank, but her voice sounded determined.

Everyone in the room watched on nervously. A minute later, the device around Dr. Yatoji’s neck sparked painfully. Dr. Hibiya’s hand was already on Fai’s end of the connection. She wasted no time pulling the connection.

“Satsuki! Are you okay?”

Dr. Yatoji nodded, rubbing her neck. “Correction… he has maze barriers… and attack barriers.” Chitose covered her mouth with a worried hand, but the other doctor waved away the concern. 

“It’s fine. The dummy barrier took the attack. I couldn’t get through to his cyberbrain.” Dr. Yatoji turned her attention to their group. “Due to the sophistication of those barriers, I can confirm that he is not ghost-dead.”

“What happened? Is something wrong?” Sakura asked.

“Your friend… has Closed Shell Syndrome,” Dr. Yatoji stated bluntly. For the first time since they’d met the doctor, she seemed to show actual concern.

“What does that mean? Is Fai going to be okay?” Mokona’s worried voice wobbled. Sakura was firmly holding onto her small friend.

“Closed Shell Syndrome is very rare, usually showing up in children who get cyberised. Their minds adapt… too well to cyberspace, becoming overwhelmed by the excess information of the net. The risk of it is usually why most parents wait until their children are teenagers before cyberisation. It almost never develops in adults who are cyberised, but once it develops, it’s permanent.

“There isn’t any treatment. Doctors and parents usually just send their kids to a _‘vocational institution’_ and forget about them. If they get better, it’s from their own efforts. I should know, I spent most of my teens in an institute like that.” Dr. Yatoji was still rubbing her neck.

Dr. Yatoji looked at Fai pensively. There was a hint of regret in her voice. “Sorry, but you will either have to leave your friend behind or end your journey here. It could take years of therapy for him to function ‘normally.’ Or he might NEVER recover. There’s no way to tell with this condition.”

“No,” Sakura spoke up. Slowly but determinedly she got out of bed. She lifted Fai’s new hand between her own. Fai’s hand was almost her size now.

“I’m sure Fai will get better… Dr. Yatoji, I want to try talking with Fai, the way you did.”

“I know you care very much for your friend, but that kind of thinking is just reckless. You can’t treat Closed Shell Syndrome with hugs and kisses. If an amateur like you tries to dive into his cyberbrain, he’ll attack you. He won’t notice or won’t care that you’re his friend.” Dr. Yatoji was frowning deeply at Sakura.

“You said he needs help to wake up. If there’s even a chance I can do it, I have to try. I want Fai to wake up and get better.” Sakura held her ground against the doubtful looks from the doctors. Despite wearing plain hospital clothes and sitting down on the edge of Fai’s bed, she looked suddenly very regal.

“Mokona believes in Sakura!” Mokona spoke up. The little pork bun hopped closer to give her own stare-down at the doctors. “Mokona thinks that Fai’s scared and lost, so he needs his friends! Sakura has a really warm heart, so she can definitely do it.”

Dr. Yatoji still looked doubtful, but Dr. Hibiya smiled and nodded. The two exchanged a look, and likely a silent conversation wirelessly. Eventually Dr. Yatoji sighed and nodded.

“I’ll go get a dummy barrier, at least. I’ll show you how to go cyberbrain diving when I’m back.”

Sakura smiled brightly at the two. “Thank you.”

**

Dr. Yatoji put the bulky device around Sakura’s neck. She called it a dummy barrier. It was meant to protect people who encountered attack barriers in cyber spaces.

“Like diving in the net, there will be a lot of shapes and lines made of light. But once your ghost tries to access anything specific, a detailed environment will load into your viewpoint. If it seems dangerous or you feel pain, you need to leave. We’ll be waiting for you here and ready to cut the connection if the dummy barrier is damaged. Do you understand?” Dr. Yatoji asked Sakura. 

Sakura nodded at Dr. Yatoji. Dr. Hibiya had already shown Sakura how to go “diving” on the internet. It still seemed vast and confusing for Sakura, but also exciting.

“I’m ready.”

Dr. Yatoji clenched her jaw. Sakura thought she was going to protest Sakura diving into Fai’s cyberbrain again. Instead, she plugged in the wire to Fai, then to Sakura.

**

Sakura was in being buffetted by a severe, cold wind. It cut through her loose desert clothes and bit into her flesh. The wind blew snow and ice, much worse than what she had encountered ever before. She was in the middle of a blizzard.

Sakura winced and tried to shield her face with her arms. Squinting around her, she only saw swirls of snow against a background of darkness. She couldn’t see anything, or anyone, around her. She was alone.

“Hello!” Sakura called into the storm. No one answered. 

Sakura cupped her hands around her mouth, sucking in a lungful of cold air. She shouted as loud as possible. **“Hello!!”**

Not even her echo reached Sakura over the howling wind. For once, the wind or any spirits wouldn’t to listen to her. This was wrong. She was almost never alone. Where was everyone?

Sakura folded in on herself, trying to get even a little warmer. She was alone, and cold. She should leave this place, and rejoin her friends. Except… she was here for a reason, wasn’t she? There was something important she had to do.

Sakura picked her way through her recent memory, but the cold made her thoughts sluggish. She remembered the deep pain of seeing Syaoran, acting heartless, hurting their friends and turning away from her. The pain of the memory left Sakura gasping. Tears froze on Sakura’s face. It was the most painful thing Sakura could remember ever happening to her, but she also knew she couldn’t give up. There was something very important she had to do. 

Then she did remember Fai. She remembered Fai in Syaoran’s grasp, blood running down his face and body now empty of magic. She remembered Fai in a new body, and reaching for Fai’s hand. She remembered that she had to save Fai, no matter what. Sakura remembered plugging into Fai’s cyberbrain so that she could find him.

**“FAI!!”** Sakura stood up, shouting into the wind. The wind howled worse, but she didn’t stop. “Fai! Where are you? It’s Sakura! I’m here to find you!”

Nothing answered Sakura. She was shivering violently from the cold by now. She knew on a deeper level that this wasn’t a real blizzard. She was in a kind of dream created by a computer program, like Outo had turned out to be. And yet she still felt the cold as keenly as if her body was in a blizzard in clothes meant for the hot desert days.

She was inside Fai’s cyberbrain, so hopefully he could hear her, even if she could barely hear herself over the wind. She had to have hope that she could reach him.

“I’m sorry,” she shouted as loud as she could. “You were hurt, and I was asleep. I couldn’t do anything. And then… when I woke up, all I could think about was Syaoran. I’m so sorry he hurt you.”

Her tears were starting to freeze in her eyelashes, trying to crust her eyes shut. She scrubbed at her eyes to clear them.

“And I know it will just cause you more pain, but I want you back. It’s selfish of me. You’ve already suffered a lot. But I can’t lose you too, Fai! Please come back to us!” 

Sakura barely gasped out the last of it. The air in her lungs felt like it was freezing her body from the inside. She breathed into her hands, ready to start shouting again once she caught her breath. Just then, the wind started to die down. Sakura looked around. Snow was still falling, but more gently. Beyond the clumps of white, the background was slowly tinting a greyish purple, like the sky before dawn. Off in the distance, she could see dark shapes.

“Thank you, Fai! Don’t worry, I’ll find you.”

**

Way back in the town of Spirit, the first world they visited that was really cold, Fai had shown Sakura to move her fingers and toes to keep them warm, and to think warm thoughts. Sakura had several good memories by now, such as the sun in the middle of the day in Clow, or a big warm fire that heated a whole house, or being wrapped up in Fai’s cloak.

“Fai, do you remember the tavern we went to, near the town of Spirit? You wrapped me up in your cloak, even though that meant you’d be colder, too. You’ve always been so kind to me, even from the beginning.”

Sakura paused, regaining her breath. Even without the wind acting against her, it was still proving difficult to walk across the snowy field. The snow was above her ankle, and the distance to the dark shapes, possibly a forest, was further than she first thought. 

She had been talking to Fai. He hadn’t replied yet. Still, she hoped that Fai could hear her.

“Your coat was so big and fluffy! I felt so tiny inside it. And it was so warm… I wish I had it now. Dr. Yatoji said I could control the clothes I wear inside cyber space, but I suppose I just think of myself in my own clothes…”

Sakura had her hands tucked into her armpits. She continued to flexed and wiggled her fingers to keep the blood circulating, or at least the idea of blood to circulate. This was all an illusion, she reminded herself.

“They had a really good drink at that tavern. It was so warm and sweet, but not like hot cocoa. They called it hot cider. You know, I didn’t remember liking apples at the time, but I really enjoyed it. In Outo, Mokona said that the body sometimes remembers when the mind can’t. I suppose my body remembers how much I like apples.”

She was closer to the forest now. She could see the massive black shape of each snow-covered tree. With any luck, there would be a way to find Fai there. Then she could figure out how to draw Fai out into the real world.

There was no sound to warn Sakura before a massive owl swooped down between her and the forest. Sakura shielded her eyes from the snow kicked up by its landing. Once her vision was clear, Sakura was looking at an owl twice her own size. It could probably eat her if it wanted to.

Sakura had expected some form of danger. Dr. Yatoji had warned her that she could very likely get hurt. So far she had only encountered the blizzard. Sakura stood her ground and squared her shoulders. She wasn’t going to leave until Fai came with her to the real world.

“Hello. I’m here to find Fai. Please take me to him.”

The giant owl tilted its head nearly upside down. It opened its beak and laughed in a human voice, deep and resonant.

“I am not some sort of guide, silly girl. Leave at once or I shall pick the flesh from your bones.”

The owl picked up one taloned foot from the snow, clenching it in the air in front of Sakura.

Sakura trembled, but stood her ground. She shook her head at the owl. “I’m not leaving without Fai.”

“You are not welcome! Leave now!” 

The owl screeched and beat its wings at Sakura. The owl lunged its sharp beak at her, and she dove to the side. Sakura picked herself up, but the owl dove for her again. Sakura twisted away and ran toward the forest.

The owl screeched again and pursued her. Sakura kept her eyes on the forest. Hopefully the forest would be too dense for the owl to follow her. She didn’t know if it could actually kill her in the real world, or if it would just kick her out of Fai’s mind. She did know that she wasn’t going to leave Fai behind.

She was almost on the forest when it finally caught her. A sharp pain tore through her ankle, and then she was falling down. She twisted to look down. The owl’s beak pierced her ankle. The owl tugged, and she was being dragged away from the forest. 

Sakura twisted and scrambled at the ground. The snow and ice didn’t give her fingers anything to purchase. She was so close, she couldn’t let it end like this!

This wasn’t real, she reminded herself. This wasn’t real. She wasn’t really injured.  
It was like a dream. And like a dream, she could control it if she tried hard enough. Sakura grit her teeth against the pain of the owl pulling on her leg harder. She just had to think of a weapon. Not a sword. She didn’t know how to use a sword. Something solid, with heft.

There was a brief flash of light, and then her hands closed around the long shaft of a heavy pink mallet. It was at least as tall as her and had two cute white wings on the sides. Sakura didn’t waste any time; twisting her body, she smacked the owl in the face with the mallet. The owl dropped her leg, letting out a pained squack.

Using the mallet as a crutch, Sakura got to her feet. The owl was writhing in pain, but would take time to recover. She was still close to the forest. If she could make it into the woods, she would have a chance.

It took longer than she would like, but she was finally within arm’s reach of the first tree. Behind her, the owl’s screeching was inhuman and frightening. Sakura stumbled the last step, bumping into the tree. 

The tree, then the snow and even the owl dissolved into white and blue light. She was back in her original view of Fai’s cyberbrain. She was through the Maze Barrier.

**

Sakura was still in Fai’s cyberbrain. She didn’t have the mallet or any of her clothes anymore. She felt light and floaty, like a dream about being the wind. 

Sakura glanced around. There were still many blue and white lights, but it looked like there were a few flashing red circles of light in the light sphere around her. She thought it must be because she was now inside the first barrier.

She floated closer to the center of the cyberbrain. Fai would be there. Sakura reached out and let her consciousness slip into the virtual landscape that would contain Fai’s mind.

**

Snow everywhere. It was snowing heavily again and she could barely make out that she was surrounded by walls of icy earth on eihter side.

It seemed to work the last time, so Sakura cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted as loudly as her chilled lungs let her.

“Fai! Fai where are you?”

Sakura waited, clutching her arms to her chest. She was still in her normal Clow country clothes. Looking down, she couldn’t see where her ankle had been torn by the owl, although she could still feel the pain. Gingerly, she put more weight on the leg, and hissed in pain. The leg worked, but it hurt as if it were still wounded.

This was like a dream, she reminded herself. She concentrated hard on a particular memory, in another country they were in that was cold. When she opened her eyes, she was wearing Fai’s big fluffy cloak and holding the cane he used in Outo. She had been aiming to change her clothes to the warm dress and coat from Jade, but the memory of Fai’s fluffy cloak was stronger.

The snow storm seemed to have lightened while she was working on her clothes. Looking around, Sakura could clearly see around her. On all sides, steep black earthen walls were covered in shiny ice and white snow. In the center of it all was a tall, thin tower. There was nothing else around her, so perhaps Fai was in the tower. She hoped this was the last obstacle.

Using the cane, Sakura made her way over to the tall stone tower. She circumambulated it, but found no stairs or doorways. It was also covered in a sheet of thick ice. She didn’t know if she could climb it, especially with her leg hurting like it did. But Fai must be in there.

An idea came to Sakura. Raising her fist, she banged on the icy stone. “Fai! Please let me in!”

Sakura kept knocking her fist against the stone. The third time she knocked on the tower, the stone under her hand recessed. Like hitting a switch, a doorway opened into the tower. Sakura cautiously stepped through the stone doorway. Leaning heavily on the cane and the stone wall, Sakura made her way up a very long flight of stairs.

**

Sakura finally made it to the top of the tower. Light bled around the cracks of a large wooden door. She expected maybe another barrier or challenge. Maybe she would have to solve a riddle or puzzle. Bracing herself in the case of a trap, Sakura pushed the door open.

The room was surprisingly cheerful. Baby blue was the overwhelming color of the walls and most of the decorations. A rainbow of glass baubles hung from the ceiling and cast abstract shapes around the room. In the center of the room sat a small mountain of the plush toys and fluffy pillows.

“Hello?” she called out tentatively. She shucked out of the heavy cloak, realizing that it was pleasantly warm in here. Still leaning heavily on the cane, she approached the pillow pile.

“Fai, I’m here for you…” 

Sakura tossed pillows and toys aside. Finally a blond head emerged from the pile. Relief flooded Sakura’s body. She threw her arms around thin shoulders, falling half-buried in the pillow pile herself.

“I found you! I finally found you! Fai!” She began crying into Fai’s shirt. One arm tentatively went around Sakura’s shoulders. After a moment she realized something was different about her friend. She pulled away to look at him properly.

Fai looked much the same, except starved to near death. His cheeks were hollow and his shoulders and limbs were much thinner than usual. His hair also was very long, disappearing into the pillow pile around him. One thin arm tightly clung to a large child-sized doll, with blond hair and blue eyes like Fai.

Sakura sat up, trying to pull Fai to sit up as well. It was harder than she would think to pull at his thin frame. While she examined him, one thin hand gently touched her cheek, wiping at the wetness there.

“You came for me,” Fai’s voice was raspy, but unmistakeably Fai’s.

Sakura smiled at Fai, nodding. “I’ve been looking for you. Fai, come with me. We need to leave. Our friends are waiting for you outside.”

The hand on Sakura’s cheek retreated, joining the other in a vice grip around the doll on Fai’s chest. “No. I’m not leaving.”

Sakura tried holding Fai’s hand, but he kept it tight around the doll.

“Fai… this isn’t real. We’re inside your cyberbrain… it’s like the world of Outo. It’s a dream that you make with a computer.”

Fai shook his head and looked away from her to the doll in his arms. He pet the doll’s hair, made of thick yellow yarn. “I know, but I’m not leaving. I can understand why you’d want to join me. It’s really nice here. But I’m not leaving. Fai’s here, so I’m staying here.”

She cupped a thin face in her hands, turning to look at Fai better. Of course in Fai’s cyberbrain, he still had his beautiful blue eyes. She suppressed a shudder when she remembered the last time she looked into those deep blue eyes, now in Syaoran’s face. 

“I know… I know it hurts. I’m so sorry that you’re hurt. But please, come back to us. Come back to your friends. We miss you, and we want you to live,” Sakura told him.

Fai’s voice became more painful than before, choking on his words. “I c-can’t. If I go with you… more b-bad things will happen to you. I hurt… I hurt everyone who becomes connected with me. It’s my nature, always. I c-can’t…”

Sakura shook her head emphatically. “Being without you, seeing you die, would be more painful than any wound. I’m… I’m in pain now, too. But I’ll willingly to endure that. Even if it’s painful for both of us, as long as you’re alive we can endure it together. But seeing you die would be a pain too big to endure.”

Fai looked at her with wide eyes. He looked awed and terrified. Finally his face crumbled, great streaks of tears running down his hollow cheeks. Sakura held Fai tightly in a hug. She joined his crying.

Sakura felt a gentle pressure as two arms tentatively wrapped around her. Fai was hugging her back. Fai nodded against her shoulder, letting out a muffled affirmative. Sakura smiled through her tears.

“I’ll… I’ll come back with you.”

**

Sakura’s eyes flew open, her real eyes. She blinked in the bright hospital lights. She could feel the hospital bed under her back. There was a slight weight on her chest. She looked down and saw a very relieved Mokona.

“Sakura is awake! Everyone, Sakura woke up!” Mokona shouted happily. Sakura’s fluffiest of friends lunched herself at Sakura’s face, hugging her tightly.

The room came alive with movement. Dr. Hibiya and Dr. Yatoji fussed with the machines hooked to Sakura and Fai’s bodies. Dr. Hibiya was trying to ask Sakura how she felt. Kurogane and “Syaoran” were hovering over her bed, making sure she was really awake. 

Sakura smiled at everyone’s concern, but didn’t answer anyone yet. She turned to look at the bed next to her. As she watched, Fai’s hand twitched. The room hushed. Fai opened his eyes and turned his head, looking at Sakura. 

Real tears slipped down Sakura’s face and into the hospital pillow. Sakura had never felt happier and sadder than now, with her dear friend staring at her from a new face.

“Good morning, Fai.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I turned one of the biggest angsty KuroFai moments into a tender friendship thing with Sakura and Fai. I just really liked the idea of swapping Fai into Chi’s body, and for some reason Ghost in the Shell popped into my head. In canon, Chi was made to look like Fai’s mom, so I headcanon Chitose as Fai’s grandmother.


End file.
